you can keep getting lost, i'll just keep finding you
by writinginmyjeans
Summary: The three times Roland goes missing but Regina finds him. And the one time he finds her. Fourshot. Slight Outlaw Queen. Minor Snowing, Captain Swan and Rumbelle.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first time writing a Once fic so bear with me, okay? Also, I have been on a writing hiatus for almost a year, so please forgive me for mistakes in this story. I write mostly because it's fun and writing this has made me realise how much I have been missing out on these past few months. This will be a fourshot, and hopefully you guys like it. So, happy reading!**

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_Chapter 1: I Miss You_

_"Missing someone and not being able to see them is the worst feeling ever." _  
_- Nathaniel Richmond_

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"I had a feeling you would be here," she smiles at him as he turns away from her, arms across his chest as she sits herself beside him. "Your parents are worried about you, you know."

Roland glares at her and she frowns. What did she do?

"Roland – "

"Where have you been?" the boy asks and Regina startles, surprised at his question.

"What do you mean?"

His brown doe eyes meet hers and she resists the urge to cry at his sad face.

"I miss you," he says so softly she almost doesn't hear it but she does. And her heart breaks all over again. She misses him too. "Is it because of Mama?"

Well, yes, it was but she's not telling a five-year-old that.

She nudges his shoulder, "Of course not. I've just been busy, that's all."

"I miss you," he says again and she puts an arm around him.

"I miss you too, Roland. But with that new bad witch around town, I've been busy with her," she tells him and when he just wraps his arms around her, she hugs him back tightly.

"Will you take me for ice-cream after that?"

"I'm sure your Mama would love to take you for ice-cream," she tries again as she pulls away. He just stares at her. "Okay, how about this? I'll take you for ice-cream if you tell me why you ran away from Mama and Papa?"

"They were fighting," he tells her and she resists the urge to ask him further details. When a woman returns to her family after a long period of time, there are bound to be challenges. One of them being the constant the presence of the Evil Queen that had ordered her death all those years ago in the lives of her husband and son. But that is something that cannot be helped, since Robin offered his services to the Royals all those weeks ago after Elsa's first freezing appearance.

"Ah, I see. Well, they're not anymore. They're actually very worried about you. Your mother was practically in tears."

"I made Mama cry?" he asks, and she shakes her head almost immediately.

"She's just afraid of losing you again," she nods her head towards the ladder of the playground. He sighs cutely as he climbs down the ladder after her. When she's sure that he's safely on the ground, she kisses him on his forehead before taking his hand.

"Alright, let's go to Granny's and get you your ice-cream. Your parents can meet us there," she swings her hand and grins when he giggles at her lifting him up a little. The smile on her face turns nostalgic as she reminisces a time when another little boy was laughing as he took her hand, telling her that she is the best mother in the world. Henry hardly needed her these days.

She was shaken from her thoughts when she remembered she had to call Roland's parents. Steeling herself, she dialed the number she had memorized by heart since she first bought it for its owner.

"Did you find him?"

"Hello to you too."

"Regina –"

"Oh stop being such a paranoid thief. He's fine. I'm bringing him to Granny's for ice-cream. You and your wife can meet us there."

"Regina, thank you so much. Marian and I –"

"Can repay me by paying more attention to your son. Goodbye."

"Regina, wait, I meant to –"

She pressed the 'End' button, not at all willing to hear his voice any longer. It still hurt, hearing his voice or being near him, knowing that the man she had known to be her true love now belonged to someone else. He'd always belonged to someone else. He would never be hers and there was no such thing as true love for a person as sinned as her.

"What did Daddy say?"

"He'll meet us there," she plasters a smile on her face as she says this and he grins at her.

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**A/N: Anyone interested for chapter 2? Let me know by reviewing! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for all your awesome responses. They really made me smile. And so, without further ado, here is chapter 2 for you! **

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_Chapter 2_

_"I guess forgiveness, like happiness, isn't a final destination. You don't one day get there and get to stay." _  
_- Deb Calleti_

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"You have to stop running away from your parents," she tells him as she slides into the seat across from him, thanking Ruby for the coffee the woman hands to her. Roland glares at her from across the table, arms across his chest as he scowls. "What is the matter with you?"

"Is it true?" he asks and she just raises her eyes at him, waiting for him to explain. "You almost killed Mama? You took her away?"

Her heart drops at his question and she resists the urge to just stare at her feet. Instead, she looks at him and slowly nods, not at all surprised when the six-year-old gasps.

"How could you?" he asks so softly that she wants nothing more to erase his knowledge of her past sins.

She gets up and kneels in front of him, blocking him from leaving their conversation. "Roland, I need you to listen to me, okay? You know I used to be the Evil Queen and I did a lot of horrible things. Ordering your mother to die was one of them, which is why I am so thankful that Emma brought your mother back."

Okay, so she had been pissed at first because seriously, when were those damn Charmings going to stop ruining her life accidentally? But then she'd realize that bringing Marian back from the past had been an opportunity to redeem herself. She'd never have been able to face Roland in the future to explain to him that she had killed his mother. With Emma's save, that was a conversation she would never have to take part in.

"I can't change the past," she takes his hand and sighs in relief when the child doesn't pull away. "Because I would if I could. But I can't. So please, forgive me?"

"You almost killed Mama," he whimpers and she resists the urge to cry in front of him.

"I'm sorry," she says again but he is beyond reason. Roland just slides further into the booth, as though he is cowering from her and her heart breaks even more at that. She deserves this, she knows she does, but she really wishes she didn't.

She sighs as she sits beside him, blocking his exit yet not touching him or offering the six-year-old any comfort. She knows that the last thing he wants is her and so, she dials the number she has been calling way more than she should.

"You found him, didn't you?" he asked and Regina can almost see the relieved yet knowing smile on Robin's face. Her heart drops even more than it already has as she glances at the child beside her.

"He's at Granny's," she barely manages to say and she can hear him tell someone what she just said. She struggles to think of what to say, her mind blank as Roland's lip quiver. Fortunately for her, Robin seems to sense that something's not quite right. Then again, he's been able to do that since the day they met. "Regina, are you alright?"

She keeps silent, not knowing what to say. How does one tell the man she loves that his child knows about how evil she used to be?

"Regina?"

"He knows," she says quietly and she hears Robin's sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line.

"I'm on my way. Please don't leave," he sounds desperate and although she wants to leave so badly, she knows she could never leave Roland without being sure that he is in safe hands.

"I won't leave him alone," she promises and disconnects before Robin can say anything else.

"Roland?"

"I don't want you," he whimpers as tears cloud his eyes and she stills. "I want my Mama and Papa."

She's about to tell him that his Papa's on the way, that he doesn't need to be with her any moment longer, when Emma and Hook walk in, hand in hand. She gestures them over.

"I have town business to attend to," she tries to keep a straight face as she points to Roland. "Do you two mind waiting with him until Robin gets here?"

"Actually, Regina, Emma and I –"

"Would not mind one bit," Emma smacks Hook and Hook rolls his eyes at her, although the smile on his face as he does so tells everyone that he's not at all annoyed. "Everything okay?"

"Yes, everything is okay, Miss Swan. I just need to leave now," she bristles and when she turns to say goodbye to Roland, she catches herself. Instead, she leans over, kisses him on his forehead one last time, keeping her tears at bay as he steps away from her and goes behind Emma. Once again, Emma and Hook look at her questioningly but she just ignores them, striding out of the diner as her heart breaks all over again. She'd lost Robin and now she's lost Roland. Maybe a happy ending is just not meant for her.

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**A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed it. Don't worry about the cliffhanger! Next chapter will be a sort of continuation from this one. Remember to review! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for all your amazing reviews. I've never been happier and more excited to upload a fic. This chapter will be a continuation from the last chapter. Roland is six and our former Evil Queen and gang have sorted out the whole Elsa fiasco but there's a new villain. You'll find out as you read on. Happy reading!**

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Chapter 3

_"Redemption is something you have to fight for in a very personal, down-dirty way. Some of our characters lose that, some stray from that, and some regain it." _  
_- Joss Whedon_

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"Mom!" Henry's relieved voice reaches her before she sees him and Regina runs to his cage, hands outstretched as she cups his face. From the corner of her eye, she sees Robin doing the same with Roland.

"I'm fine. I promise," Henry smiles and Regina chuckles at how well he knows her. Henry then turns away from her, addressing the little boy beside him, "I told you she'd find us. She'll always find us."

She manages to smile at Roland through the gates, and the little boy just stares at her. Instead of waiting for a response (she's been waiting for one since that day at the diner two weeks ago but she hasn't gotten one so what's the point of waiting for it now?), she instructs the boys and Robin to step back. After making sure that they're out of harm's way, she blasts open the gate, not at all surprised, yet still extremely happy, when Henry throws his lanky teenage self at her, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

What does surprise her, however, is Roland wrapping his small arms around her legs.

"Thank you," he mumbles and she lets go of her teenage son to kneel before Roland, kissing the small boy on his forehead as she does so. "You're not evil anymore."

"Of course she's not," Henry frowns and she reminds herself to explain the situation to Henry when they're all safe. Instead, she hands Roland's tiny hand to Robin and watches as Roland hugs his Papa tight, nodding when Robin mouths a thank you to her.

"We need to leave now," she urges them on and startles when Henry takes Roland's hand and stands behind the two adults. Robin and her share a look but don't say anything as Robin prepares his bow and she readies herself.

"I'm going to need the both of you to stick with me, okay? We don't want the Pied Piper getting you again," she sternly says.

"What about the other children, Mom?" Henry asks and she resists the urge to roll her eyes. Trust Henry to think of others in a situation where his own life is in danger. Then again, she can't deny that he makes her proud by doing so because he is nothing like how she was and she is thankful for that.

"Your grandparents and Elsa are getting them. Regina, get behind me," Robin tells her and she stops right there.

"Excuse me?" she raises her eyes at him, hands on her hips at the tone he had just donned with her. Had he seriously just _ordered_ her?

"Papa, you didn't say 'please'," Roland shakes his head at his father, as though he's disappointed. She smirks at the former vigilante and when she sees that he has realized that she doesn't take orders from anyone, not even the man she still loves, she just waits, silently enchanting a shield around the four of them.

"Regina, we don't have time for this. Get behind me," he says temperamentally but she just stands her ground. She watches in satisfaction as he grits his teeth and says, "Regina, get behind me, _please_."

"Much better," she pats him as she continues moving again. Instead of staying behind him, however, she walks right in front of him and taunts, "It'll be better if you guard them from the back and I from the front. The Pied Piper has magic and last I checked, bows and arrows are useless unless we have the element of surprise. So right now, _you_ get behind _me_."

He mutters under his breath about stubborn queens and she actually rolls her eyes, although a small smile plays on her lips. When she meets her son's eyes, however, he gives a knowing yet sad look and she just looks away.

"Let's get out of here."

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**A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed it. Next chapter will be the last chapter but it will take a while so please be patient with me. I hope you guys still enjoy this story. Let me know by reviewing! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for all your awesome responses. They really made me smile. And so, without further ado, here is the final chapter for you! **

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_Chapter 4_

_"How do you see the world? Happy endings come not through events but through a shift in perception."  
~Jane Tara, The Happy Endings Book Club__  
_

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"Roland!"

"Mama!"

She can't help but feel good, watching a mother reunite with her lost son. Regina knows all too well how it feels, to return to a loved one that you've thought to be gone. It's the best feeling in the world, and though she and Marian don't get along, she's happy that the other woman is holding her son tightly. The look Roland gives her makes it all the more better.

"Thank you, Regina," Marian says quietly and Regina nods at her, before turning around to join the Charmings, Hook and her son. She feels Robin's eyes on her, but doesn't turn around. Instead, she wraps an arm around her son, ignoring the pang in her heart as she ignores the man she loves.

"Let's go home," Henry smiles softly at her and she nods.

"Let's."

A week later, she's at Granny's, enjoying her coffee when someone sits herself across from her. Regina raises her eyebrow at her unwanted companion, and rolls her eyes when said companion just ignores her questioning look and sips her own coffee. Peasants.

"Is there anything I can help you with? I prefer having my morning coffee alone," Regina says with just a hint of disdain. From across her table, Marian shrugs and still doesn't say anything, instead just sipping her hot cocoa. Needless to say, Regina is most definitely not comfortable as an awkward silence resonated between them.

"Is everything alright?" Regina tries again, willing herself to be empathetic.

When Marian still says nothing, Regina reminds herself that she has tried communicating with the woman in front of her and makes to excuse herself out of the very awkward situation she has been forced in

"Look, I really don't know what you – "

"Robin and I are separating."

Regina blinks at her as her jaw drops open, caught very much off guard. Well, that is most definitely the last thing she was expecting to hear. She just stares at Marian, however, patiently waiting for Marian to continue. For the first time since she so rudely interrupted Regina's breakfast, Marian fidgets.

"Well? Aren't you going to say something?"

"What do you want me to say, Marian?"

"Well, I most certainly expected a different reaction," Marian admits, crossing her arms across her chest.

"How exactly am I supposed to react to the news that the man I love is losing his own true love? That the little boy I love like a son is going to have to go through the agony of his parents separating?"

Marian says nothing, seemingly shocked at her honesty. Regina sighs again when she notices that more than half the diners' occupants are looking at them, and shakes her head at Snow when her stepdaughter makes to walk towards her. Regina just swings her bag across her shoulder and makes to leave, only stopping when Marian grabs her hand.

"He's not losing his true love," Marian shakes her head, and her eyes are sad as tears cloud them. "He's getting her back."

Regina freezes, waiting for Marian to continue. Instead, Marian just squeezes her hand and pulls it, gesturing for her to sit down. Regina complies, glaring at the other customers' who were blatantly watching them.

"Mind your own businesses before I curse your sorry lives again," she seethes loudly and grins triumphantly when most of the diners hastily avert their eyes and return to their meals. She smirks and shrugs at Snow and Charming's exasperated looks and turns back to Marian, surprised to find her smiling slightly.

"Talk," Regina commanded and narrows her eyes when Marian just rolls hers, not at all intimidated by her. Dammit. What does a former Evil Queen have to do to get a more satisfactory reaction?

"Things haven't been the same since I was taken. I've remained the same but he's changed. He's not the same man I fell in love with," Marian shrugs.

"Why are you telling me this?" Regina asks, trying to hide how fast her heart is racing. This cannot be happening.

"Because you're the reason he isn't the same man I fell in love with. You're the reason he cannot kiss me without feeling guilty. And you're the one he chooses to fight side by side with against every villain in this town."

"He volunteered his assistance to Snow and Char – "

"We both know that it's so that he can keep an eye on you and make sure you're safe," Marian calmly shuts her excuse down and Regina shuts her mouth. "Well?"

"Why are you so calm about this?" the former queen asks suspiciously and Marian just smiles sadly.

"I can't keep pretending, Regina," Marian says. "The man I love is in love with the woman who almost killed me. How screwed up is that?"

She wants to make a wise remark about how they're in Storybrooke, and hence, everything is screwed up. But she can't bring herself to say it when she looks at Marian. The lady in front of her has been through so much because of what she did when she was the Evil Queen, and Regina knows the least she could do is offer her sympathy.

"I'm sorry," she says instead.

Marian nods, and they continue their breakfast in silence, both women deep in thought, one of them reflecting about how much things have changed, and the other wanting to hope, but not bringing herself to, for her happy ending.

She stays in her vault after that for the rest of the day, not at all willing to deal with anything or anyone else. She's on the steps of the entrance, her hands on her lap as she just stares at the potions on the table when she feels his presence beside her.

"And how exactly did you get in here?" she raises her eyes and the boy beside her shrugs, much like his mother did that morning.

"Henry brought me here," Roland grins.

"Yeah? And where is Henry?"

"With Gretel," Roland makes a face as he says the girl's name and Regina laughs. Ever since the boys were rescued, Roland had been glued to Henry's hip, unless Gretel was around. Apparently, the six-year-old has a problem Henry's girlfriend. She doesn't blame him. She's not too fond of the girl either.

"And you're here because?"

"Mama and Papa are not together any more."

Well, straight to the point, then.

"I know," she tells him and when he puts his head on her shoulders, Regina automatically pulls him closer. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not," the boy mutters and she sighs, rubbing circles on his back when he starts to shake. "They were fighting too much. Besides, Papa loves you."

"I'm sorry, Roland," she says again and Roland just keeps silent, staying in her arms as he sobs. And even when he's done crying, they stay that way, only pulling away when she felt the buzz from her phone.

"That's probably Papa," Roland grins and she nods her head when she sees that he's right. She raises her eyes at him, silently asking him if his father knows that he's with her. The boy beside her has disappeared too many times. "He thinks I'm with Henry."

Regina shakes her head at him, grinning when he cutely raises his hands and innocently says, "What? I was!"

She rolls her eyes at him. The Hoods and their charm are going to be the death of her.

"That's still lying by omission," a new voice pipes and she turns around, heart racing as the newcomer settles himself on her other side. Robin smiles at her sadly as he regards his son, "Your mother's outside to take you home while I have a chat with Regina."

"Are you going to tell her you love her now?" Roland grins cheekily and Regina curses herself when she feels her cheeks warm. She must really be losing her Evil Queen status if a six-year-old has the ability to make her blush.

"Upstairs, now," Robin rolls his eyes. Roland kisses Regina on the cheek before he runs up the steps, winking at the Mayor. She gets up, and stands on the other side of the room, creating a space between her and Robin.

When he's sure that Roland's gone, Robin turns to her, his dimpled smile crossing his face even though it doesn't reach her eyes, "Hi."

She resists the urge to walk up to him, to take his face in her hands and kiss his worries away. But it isn't time for that yet. They're still broken, still emotionally drained from everything that's happened for the past two years. There were still things to talk about, questions she needed to ask him and insecurities that had to be addressed.

Instead, she gives him a small smile of her own and says, "We have to stop meeting like this."

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**A/N: And this is where we end this story. I really hope you guys enjoyed this. I don't think I'll be continuing it anymore as this is a Regina and Roland story. As much as I love Outlaw Queen, I haven't really been able to capture their awesomeness in my writing. Until I think I do, there really won't be much of a continuation. Thanks once again for the follows and the lovely reviews! :)**


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